Walt's Corner

Is this Prison Rules, as in, after finishing up a game of Spin-The-Bottle, the loser gets the bottle shoved up his ass while the stuffer yells, “PRISON RULES, BIATCH?” Or does this imply that living in prison is the absolute best, as in, it rules? After spending an evening in a jail cell at the early age of 4, I decided prison was not the life for me.

Prison is what kept me from killing a lot of people. But now? Prison doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Three square meals a day. No bills. No responsibilities. No taxes. Free healthcare. Free education. Libraries. Mail call. Conjugal visitation. Finding Jesus if it so inclines you.

From an early age we are groomed to have an aversion to the prison system. My father would threaten to use his contacts to get me in jail. Who was his contact? His dad. My paternal grandfather. He happened to be the Sheriff of Montcalm County, Michigan. I got to spend what seemed like an evening in the slammer thanks to that relationship, but I’m sure it was mere moments instead. I was thrown in the cell. Door slammed shut. The metallic sound of locks engaging. A darkness you could feel not dissimilar to a damp, heavy fog. The only light coming from a 5 by 5 inch security window in the door. I screamed. I ain’t afraid to admit it. I was assured that this would be my permanent view if I didn’t change my evil ways.

Turns out I would not, in fact, change my evil ways. Nor would that become my permanent view. Although as I was growing up I heard how “easy” it was in prison. These guys get a free education. Art classes. Workshops. On top of this, prisoners experience none of the civilized world’s responsibilities. No fear of losing your employment. Wondering where your next meal would come from. Not having the money to meet your next mortgage, car note, or insurance premium. Shit. Almost sounds like life in the Army before being complicated with marriage and moving out of the barracks. That time when you ran out of money one day after payday but it didn’t matter. You still had a bed to sleep in, your next meal at the chow hall, and “free” healthcare!

Prison almost sounds welcoming. Except for becoming someone’s bitch. Or being shanked. So, yeah. Maybe I’ll still avoid prison. For now.

One of the passing lamps on my motorcycle burned out. These lights are not required – just additional accessories. But still. I like to have maximum light flowing in front of me giving every other box driving fool the best chance of seeing me and not running me over.

I thought to myself, I should take this opportunity to replace them with some LED lights. Brighter. Lasts longer (or so they say). Not too expensive. Amazon had nice pair for around $13. Installed them and they worked and looked great! Except for one thing. Like George Costanza coming out of a cold pool, those LED passing lamps made my halogen bulb feel inadequate. Look at that shit! Ain’t no way I can ride around looking like that.

My next thought was, guess I’ll use this opportunity to upgrade my main headlamp to LED. Gulp! $150? Once again I opened my wallet and placed that order. Arrived last night. Easy little pull and swap.

Not only does it make me more visible, but what a difference it made when riding in the dark. Especially for my aging eyesight. It ain’t what it used to be. Glad I did that.

TLDR: This is some good shit! Smells just like Aqua Velva, but even more potent. Gives it that Emeril’s BAM!

Aqua Velva. Disinfecting, soothing, and toning skin since 1917. It was the identifying scent of my maternal grandfather from my youngest memories of him from the early 70s.TLDR: This is some good shit! Smells just like Aqua Velva, but even more potent. Gives it that Emeril’s BAM!

My first career (U.S. Army) required daily shaving so it was only natural that I chose to wet shave and follow that with a splash of good ol’ Aqua Velva. I watched the bottle change over the years. From that traditional bumply textured matte glass finish to a new shaped smooth glass finish, to the plastic bottle that was the same as the glass new shape.

In my second career I continue to maintain a shaving regiment because I want to. And up until last year, Aqua Velva was still my daily splash, bringing grandpa forefront to my thoughts. Every. Day.

What happened last year was that I found Phoenix Shaving which opened a whole new world and level of enjoyment to shaving. All the wonderful, strong scents to choose from as well as hardware – razors, brushes, etc.

Phoenix also comes out with homages to other scents, some long forgotten and produced no more.

That’s not the case with Aqua Velva. I still have 3 bottles left that I bought last year. But Phoenix does make an homage to Aqua Velva and so I had to try it. On principle.

This scent is spot on, but even more. Phoenix gives it that Emeril BAM! that takes both the scent and menthol to the next level. The shaving soap utilizes their CK6 blend and doesn’t skip on the scent. The foam is what I’ve come to expect from Phoenix soaps – super luxurious lather that lets any blade just glide over your face without nicks or burns. The aftershave gives you the traditional bite and a menthol that lasts quite a while after application.

Not sure how I missed out on The Menu back in 2022, but we watched it Sunday evening. Chock full of well known actors from John Leguizamo to Ralph Fiennes and Nicholas Hoult while including a host of other actors that you will swear that you’ve seen before, but can’t place where. They appear on an episode or 16 of just about everything you can watch.

Clientele of a snobby chef who puts Gordon Ramsay to shame takes his kitchen staff to the next level. Things start out creepy as the ritzy group enters the island’s dining facility and only get worse from there. There are some repeat customers sprinkled in with the mostly first timers. The gruesome reason of this particular hosting makes itself evident as the evening unfolds, proving to be their final meal.

If you like dark comedy/horror/satire, then this is up your alley. If like me, you haven’t seen it yet, it is well worth your time.

Say it ain’t so! As far as I can tell, originating from across the pond on a sketchy at best, but usually containing some grain of truth, Daily Mail UK reports (NSFW) that ICE Barbie’s husband, Bryon Noem has been caught red-handed with his proverbial hand in the cookie jar, and they’ve got the pics to prove it. Click at your own risk!

Which takes us to an equally suspect news organization on our side of the pond, the New York Post, reporting that Noem’s representative’s response is that they are both devastated and blindsided. They toss around some heavy hitting words. Like fetish. And bimbofication. And adult performers. To quote a certain George, “OH MY!”

If true, could shed some light on recent allegations against the former Department of Homeland Security Chief of flying bedroom palaces and shared hotel rooms with a favorite boy-toy of hers.

If you want to read it from our very own national trash site, TMZ offers the scoop here.

And this awful picture for this post? It is my slop. Not AI or Microscope.